Bad Dreams

4am. 

Stan: Aaargh. Aaarrrgh. Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh. 

Mum: Darlin', what's wrong? 

Stan: The leopard's back and he's going to eat me. 

Mum: He's not going to eat you. It's ok. 

Stanley: Yes he is, he's got the brown sauce out.

Work Ethics

Stan: Where's my dad? 


Mum: He's at work. What do you think Dad does at work? 


Stan: He goes into lots different rooms. 


Mum: Then what does he do? 


Stan: Absolutely nothing at all.

Feline communications

Stan: Catty, do you speak miaow or do you speak boy?

Important info.

Stan: I need a bum hailer for my poo cough. 

Food for thought

Granny: Do you mean garden peas? 


Stan: No, indoor peas.

Sartorial Splendor

Mum: Stanley, please put some trousers on. 


Stan: But I don't want to.


Mum: You need to cover yourself up. Please put something on.

Stan: (Slinks off to the bathroom, reappears with three turquoise sequins on his penis) I've covered myself up now.

After Dinner Entertainment

Stanley: (Spoken in a whisper). After pudding I'm going into next doors garden to look at their washing line.